There is a rather delightful aphorism from the yogic traditions, which will paraphrase, and perhaps mangle a bit:
I have feelings, but I am not my feelings. I have thoughts, but I am not my thoughts.
This pearl of exceptional wisdom should probably be on a plaque on the wall of every therapist and psychiatrist in the world. For this is, in essence, the purpose of many forms of psychotherapy. In cognitive models one learns to identify negative thoughts as not intrinsic to the person. In psychodynamic models, one learns that we are distinct from the patterns we unconsciously repeat in life. In family therapy on learns that one is affected by and affects the family system but is not identical to it.
Gaining this ability to observe without fully identifying is core to adult maturation.
One of the most dramatic examples of this union of opposites in recent cinema occurred in the second film of the “Lord of the Rings” trilogy, “The Two Towers.”
The movie opens with Gandalf the Grey engaged in a battle with a fire demon called the Balrog. Gandalf the Grey and the Balrog are polar opposites in every respect. Their battle results in mutual destruction as is shown later in the film when several characters meet the new Gandalf the White in Fangorn Forest.
Gandalf the White represents the union of the opposites into a stronger, more balanced character. The benevolence and wisdom of Gandolf the Grey combined with the fiery power of the Balrog, which represented Gandalf’s shadow.
But, as per this model from Jung, Gandalf the White is a new whole person who is greater than the sum of the two parts [opposites].